On loneliness #4 – in da club

Why is it that I feel separate wherever I go?

I’m not a good mingler and in social scenarios, especially parties where I don’t know many people or professional networking events, I often find myself people-watching rather than people-engaging.

I go to clubs, not very often, and I love to get lost in the loud music and I LOVE to dance but I feel invisible… I don’t expect anyone to to talk to me, so more often than not, they don’t. It must be a vibe I give off. I am uninviting somehow.

I think one of the most upsetting things my step-mother ever said to me was that the reason my mother and I are both single is because “we look like we don’t need anyone” (my pride in being brought up to be an independent woman is a separate discussion entirely).

Is that what men are looking for then? Needy girls? I am pretty sure I was told that being needy was one of the worst things you could be in a relationship. Was I mis-informed? Or does that only apply when we are young? As we mature do we look for someone who needs us?

Well, OK, I can buy in to that. I would love to find someone who needed me. But I’d like to think that’s about him needing ME not needing someone in general? Is that less of an issue for men? Do they just want to be needed? Does this assert their manliness?

Or is my step-mother wrong?

Not that it matters. I don’t see me playing helpless little girl just to be able to use my Orange Wednesdays and give up my place in the centre of the bed.

Showing 2 comments
  • theofficegeek

    We look for women that have similar interests, but not too similar, otherwise it’s like putting two magnets together at the same pole – eventually you push eachother apart. I’d say that after that first year where all you do it shag and pretend you’re more interesting than you really are, it’s about finding the things you love to do together, but appreciating that you need your own space.

    And a cracking tits

  • Jaye-bird

    That doesn’t really answer my question. What you are saying is pretty much what I assume people want from each other. It’s certainly what I would like. Stuff in common but also stuff you can learn from each other, tastes you can develop or simply agree to disagree on.

    I’m not so much looking for cracking tits though. Nice arms and naughty eyes will do.

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