Perhaps it is time I come out and say it…

I am a pussy lover. There. I said it.

All I have ever wanted is a cat. I yearn for a cat the way other people ache for a child. I see them in the street and on adverts and their beautiful faces melt my heart. I want to “hug them and love them and squeeze them and call them George”. Or somethSmudge and Mistying.

My Dad bought a cat a few years ago, which was the most amazing and heartaching thing ever. I had begged for a cat every Christmas and birthday for as long as I could remember but there was aways a good reason why he couldn’t get one. He now has two cats and when they were kittens it took every once of willpower I had not to sneak one in to my bag (mainly Misty, who is the cutest bundle of velvet I have ever seen – see pic) when I visited.

I like cats more than children.

I don’t want kids, though I do love holding warm, sleeping babies. I have never felt the pull of my womb to house one of my own. Instead I have always fantasised about coming home to a husband and two cats. Silver tabbies ideally. Perfect silver tabbies with blue eyes who would curl up in our laps as we snuggle in to each other…

I would probably name them Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, or something equally pretentious. You can blame T.S. Elliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber for that. Because I believe ordinary, human names are insufficient for cats. Nor should they be called anything ending in a Y, e.g. Snowy. Call me a snob ( I can be sometimes ) but I think it shows a distinct lack of imagination. It’s also probably why most cats don’t seem to like people very much.

In the same way you might show concern for your child’s future welfare in the playground and avoid calling them Moonbeam, perhaps you should think how your cat is supposed to show it’s face in the neighborhood if you call it Fluffy.

No. My cats will have dramatic, regal sounding names, most likely stolen from popular culture. Katniss is a recent edition to the list but really I cannot tell what my cats will be called until I meet them.

This is not an if, merely a when. While the possibility of a husband becomes more and more remote the cat or cats (but only 2, I’m not one of ‘those women’) are non-negotiable. You can keep your kids, my life will not be complete until I own a cat.

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