It’s been over a week since the performance of One at The Carriageworks in Leeds and I’m still trying to process it all. People keep asking me how it went. How I felt about it.
I would like to say something deeply insightful about the whole process but I have been so totally overwhelmed by the level of support I received. From the flowers and cards I got. From the number of people who turned out to see me, including some who were turned away! I never in a million years anticipated selling out.
But that isn’t what they mean.
It’s hard to separate out the creative/critical process, what I know worked and what I wish had gone better from the wave of love and support I have been riding. To quote Vinnie Jones “It’s been emotional”.
And is it totally egotistical to say I am proud of myself?
I sort of did this to see if I could. To see if I had a whole show in me. To see if making work alone really is the hardest thing to do (it really sort of is). And I did it. Whatever external opinions there may be on the content and value of the work itself. The value to me has been immeasurable. I’ve proved my point, not only can I put together flat-pack furniture by myself, I can also do this. And I know lots of people already do it all the time, it’s nothing new but I’ll let you in on a secret here… When I started this I really didn’t think I COULD do it.
So yeah, I’m proud of myself. But that isn’t what they mean either.
What people want to know is, did I make IT? The show I wanted to make. Is it good? Is it everything I hoped it would be?
The brutally honest answers… Maybe. Yes. No, it isn’t everything I hoped it would be because:
a) I really didn’t know what I wanted to make
b) I have sort of confirmed what I always knew. I work best as part of a team
Funny that. A girl who grew up alone, loves her alone time, likes to live alone and has been single longer than seems natural works best as part of a team. In fact would go so far as to say works best in a partnership. But after making Wherever I Lay My Hat and The Reservation I didn’t want to go out shopping for a creative partner. I’m a romantic. I’d like it to be more organic than that. So in the meantime this was making the best of it. “Just me then? Fine.” Talk about life imitating art!
But that is what research is for isn’t it?
I’ve come full circle and I have a better understanding of and respect for me, as a person and a theatre maker. And I also have my very own solo show. I’ve been told that One is “entertaining”, “funny” and even “inspiring” and so I hope this is not the end. I’d really like to tour it next year. Though it needs a little fine tuning. And someone has given me a cracking idea for a partner piece which I’m already mulling over…